German Coast Guard

People can say some dumb things. I am not sure if it comes from not listening, or not thinking first?
Ever hear any of these phrases? (Please don't raise your hand if  you have said one of them.)

"If you break your leg, don't you come running to me"

A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on;

I want you to know that I am not always right, but I am never wrong.

If Roosevelt were alive, he’d turn over in his grave

Thank God I’m an atheist.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times-Don't Exaggerate!"

"I found it! It was in the last place I looked."

"For most people, death comes at the end of their lives."

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.

The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.

The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.

ok- here it is, as in one of my humor books;  End Of The World Headlines....When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?

Guns and Ammo:
IS THERE GUN CONTROL IN THE AFTERLIFE?

The Wall Street Journal:
...DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

The New York Times:
WORLD'S END RESOLVES REVENUE SHORTFALL

Cosmopolitan:
10 TIPS TO MAKE YOUR LAST SEX THE BEST EVER!

People:
YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE STARS: WHAT WILL THEY WEAR THE LAST NIGHT?

Sports Illustrated:
NO EXTRA INNINGS IN THIS SUDDEN DEATH

USA Today:
WE'RE DEAD

Discover Magazine:
HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

Christian Weekly:
WE TOLD YOU SO!

Time:
WORLD ENDS-A SPECIAL REPORT

Playboy:
GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE

Rolling Stone:
IS THERE A ROCK AND ROLL HEAVEN?

Lady's Home Journal:
LOSE 10 POUNDS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET

Computer Life:
NEW FROM MICROSOFT-THE WORLD 2.0

Spin:
TEN NEW BANDS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR

Local News:
CITY COUNCIL BANS END-OF-WORLD CELEBRATIONS

Congressional Quarterly:
CONGRESS PUSHES THROUGH LAST-SECOND PAY INCREASE

High Times:
THIS TIME IT REALLY IS KILLER WEED

Car and Driver:
WE TEST-DRIVE THE NEW PONTIAC CADAVER

Vibe:
IT'S BEEN REAL

Consumer Reports:
HOW WILL THE WORLD'S END AFFECT PRODUCT WARRANTIES?

TV Guide:
LAST NIGHT SCHEDULE-NETWORKS SQUARE OFF AGAINST CABLE

Maxim:
100 GIRLS WE'D LIKE TO SPEND THE LAST NIGHT WITH

Martha Stewart Living:
TIMELESS DECORATING TIPS

Boxing Weekly:
UNANIMOUS DECISION-WE'RE FINISHED

Sporting News:
THE REAL LAST WORD: GREATEST ATHLETES OF ALL TIME

Scientific American:
AFTER US-WHAT WILL THE NEXT LIFE FORMS LOOK LIKE?

Field and Stream:
ENDANGERED SPECIES? NOW IT'S US!

PC Magazine:
IT'S ALT/CONTROL/DELETE FOR MANKIND

Forbes:
HOW YOU CAN TAKE IT WITH YOU

Star:
TOP PSYCHICS PREDICT THE AFTERLIFE

The Environmentalist:
QUALITY OF LIFE: A DOOMSDAY ANALYSIS

Style:
PARIS RUNWAYS FADE TO BLACK AS END NEARS

The Economist:
THE EURO-WE HARDLY KNEW YE

ESPN
WHO WOULD HAVE WON THE SUPER BOWL?

Golf Digest:
MAKE YOUR LAST ROUND YOUR BEST

Conservative Digest:
END OF THE WORLD-FIRST OF A THREE PART SERIES

Family Circle:
25 FABULOUS RECIPES FOR THAT LAST MEAL

Fitness:
HOW TO GO OUT LOOKING YEARS YOUNGER