Monday, September 9, 2013

Funny Church Signs

A new pastor in a small Oklahoma town spent the first four days making personal visits to each of the members, inviting them to come to his first services.
The following Sunday the church was all but empty. Accordingly, the pastor placed a notice in the local newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon, the notice said.
Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the "funeral." In front of the pulpit, they saw a closed coffin, smothered in flowers. The minister delivered a short eulogy. THen he opened the coffin and invited the congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church.
Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a "dead church," all the people lined up to look in the coffin. Each "mourner" peeped into the coffin, then quickly turned away with a sheepish look.
In the coffin, tilted at just the right angle, was a large mirror

Church Bulletin Bloopers from 2006 Humor Book
* Several members who have been in the hospital are not on their way to recovery, for which we are thankful.
* The Jack and Kill Daycare is looking for someone to help part time on Saturdays.
* We'll kick off the Christmas season this morning with our first hymn, "The First Nowell"
* Our Wednesday Night Family Cafeteria meal will feature a variety of Chinese dishes including One Ton Soup.
* Events: December 9th, Christmas Caroling at the Parkview Nursing Home 7:00 p.m., December 10th, Breakfast with Satan 6:00 to 9:00 a.m. in the Fellowship Hall.
* Saturday the Youth Group will Serenade a number of our Seniors with Christmas Thongs.
* Last Saturday the Men's Group had a great fellowship that included good conversation and delicious coffee. Special thanks to Kate Michels for providing teats.
* The Youth Group had a scavenger hunt, did face painting, and played a game called, "Find the gun." They had a great time.
* The Pastor's Corner: A Personal Massage from Jesus.
* Don't forget to make some New Year's Resolutions. It's a great way to start off with a new ear.
* Due to Construction on the North side of the parking lot, we will soon be changing entrances. Please exit the new driveway which is the one in between the old entrance and the old exit. Please exit from the new exit which is the old entrance.
* What are you doing for Lunch Tuesday? Local Funeral Director Barry Gilbert will talk about the benefits of cremation.
* The Riegieman Chiropractic Center will host Kid's Day this Saturday. They'll be treating the youth group to spinal exams, backpack checks, I.D. Cards, etc

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