Three More Reasons to Stop Drinking

It seems there are commercials to try to get you to drink, and just a few to have you stop drinking. I prefer to not even try drinking. Life is too short to waste on drinking. Sometimes humor can say things that cannot be said otherwise- certainly am not telling you what to do with your life.

Alcohol doesn't make you FAT... it makes you LEAN... against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people!

A hangover is the wrath of grapes

A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say "nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips later the voice said "beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over,"Heyi must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here other than us." "It's the peanuts" answered the bartender. "Say what?" "You heard me" said the barkeep."it's the peanuts they're complimentary."

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. the bartender says you can come in, but don't start anything.

A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked. "No." A few minutes later the dog took a huge chunk out of the man's leg. "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" he said indignantly. The other guy replied, "That's not my dog."

A man walked into a bar holding an alligator. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" The bartender said, "Yes, we do!" "Good," replied the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."

A Love Story by T.D.Jakes

I love black pastors styles of preaching- I remember as a teenager visiting a black church on a Wednesday night- as we arrived, we were the only ones there, but they made us feel so welcome, and soon others joined us for a wonderful service. I don't think we hear enough sermons on marriage, so let me post his today. I hope I my life is preaching a sermon as well on the importance of marriage. Someone told me the best thing I can do for my kids is to love their mother.

Cool Water

 I love southern Gospel Music. (Jan and I  disagree on music and TV shows) I love this song by the Gaithers, Cool, Water! Some of you can not believe I would pray for rain. Lord, Send us some Cool Cool water to put out these fires!

How Young People Discuss Ethics

 

I first heard Patrick Kuse in Spokane at an AWC conference. This video is called How young people discuss Ethics. For you who do not believe those who quote from our owners manual or go to church- then you will enjoy this speaker. I personally like to use scriptures as it has not changed from one generation to another but This man says the same thing without mentioning God or using the Bible. This is a must hear for all ages.

After drafting a will for an elderly client, the attorney announced a fee of $100.

The client gave the attorney a $100 bill.

After the client left, the attorney saw that the client had in fact paid $200, as two of the client's $100 bills had stuck together.

Looking at the $100 overpayment, an ethical question arose in the attorney's mind: "Do I tell my partner?"

Stay Young in Your Mind

Someone said a laugh is a smile with the volume turned up. I certainly am not saying everything is a joke and you  must be giggly- but I know the power and importance of laughter. I am concerned when fail to see anyone laugh, I think that is true of some children and many adults. I am watching as my grandkids laugh and try to make others laugh- that is good. Pastor Joel Osten shared some thoughts on this that I am using for todays blog- I can only say, Amen! I hope you have taken time to laugh today. For you who cannot view the video- I posted two jokes for you below.

On a balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship spied smoke coming from one of three huts on an island they thought was deserted. Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a "survivor." He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more than three years!" The captain of the ship replied, "But we saw THREE huts." The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another." "What about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain. "That's where I USED to go to church."

A 75 year old woman had a vision one night, and saw and spoke to God. She asked him, “How much time do I have left?” He replied, “You have 35 years left.” So that year she had a face lift, a tummy tuck, her nose reshaped, liposuction, cosmetic surgery and completely redid herself. She figured as long as she was going to live another 35 years, she was going to look young again. After all this was done, she was hit by a car an killed. When she entered heaven, she walked over to God and asked, “What happened- I thought you said I had another 35 years.” God replied, “I didn’t recognize you.”

Clue(less) on Money

Normally I do not laugh at debt, but this Tim Clue makes me laugh, even though debt is not funny or recommended in real life. (what is real life anyway?) Sometimes the best way to get a point across is with humor?

“Before borrowing money from a friend,

 decide which you need most.”

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive,

 try missing a couple of car payments.”

“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.”

Look Up... by Anne Graham Lotz

This is a great message by Anne Graham Lotz on the End Times. She is the Daughter of Billy Graham. The message was preached several years ago, and the promise was made many years ago.  I have heard this many times- it is more real each time  I hear it.. It is a bit longer than most my videos-but worth the time needed to hear it.   I find  this very encouraging and pray you are ready. No one knows when we will take our last breath down here- I have lost several close friends this year already- no one knows when our time is up. Be Ready.

Jesus. Coming soon to a Soul near You.

God is Having a Family Reunion- Will You Be There?

Life has many choices. Eternity Two. What's yours?

Beating Depression by E V Hill

Lately the topic of Depression has been in the news. I love good sermons, I used to be a cassette junkie and guess I am now a cd junkie for collecting good sermons. I had this on cassette, and lost it in the house fire. I came across it while searching youtube- and was even more surprised  who I saw in the audience. I will tell you more about that tomorrow- but listen to part 1 of "Getting into and out of Depression" or Beating Depression as it is now called. todays focus's on why people get depressed. This was recorded from TBN sometime in the 1980's and E V Hill has since gone home to his reward. I heard it on Focus on the Family where I got the tape back in 80's. This is part 1 of 3 parts. Don't miss the other two parts that will be posted next. It is even more relevant today as God's word does not change.  Suicide is not the answer- that is a permanent fix to a temporary problem. Don't give up.

  

My mom and dad are sitting in the crowd of that taping. If you  look at around 2;10- you will see them in the crowd. The first part of this message concludes the reasons Christians can be depressed and second part focus's on how to get out of depression. This is part 2 of 3 parts-click on photo below for part 2 of the 3 part message Beating Depression

 

This is part 3 of 3 where E V Hill talks about how to get out of Depression. the sermon was featured on Focus on the Family and was aired on TBN back in the 80's- but the subject matter is just as relevant today. My parents are seen in the audience around 4;31 today and around 2.10 on part 2 of yesterday. E V Hill has pastored in California and I also enjoyed his sermon he preached at his wife's funeral. Sadly, he has since gone on to his reward in heaven. Click on the photo below for part 3 of 3 parts of Beating Depression by E V Hill.

I am Thankful 

FOR THE WIFE

WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,

BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,

AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND

WHO IS ON THE SOFA

BEING A COUCH POTATO,

BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME

AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER

WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES

BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,

NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY

BECAUSE IT MEANS

I AM EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY

BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE

BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG

BECAUSE IT MEANS

I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK

BECAUSE IT MEANS

I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,

WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,

AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING

BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING

I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT

BECAUSE IT MEANS

WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..

FOR THE PARKING SPOT

I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT

BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING

AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL

BECAUSE IT MEANS

I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH

WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS

I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING

BECAUSE IT MEANS

I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES

AT THE END OF THE DAY

BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN

CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF

IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS

BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

Failure is an event, never a person.

If you're going through hell, keep going.

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up

 "I intend to live forever or die trying."

On The Road Again (2010)

This video was actually made four years ago- I have not made any new striping videos lately and I don't think we have even taken a group photo of this years crew yet. I am not the spokesman, but people ask me occasionally striping questions; like why the hash marks on some mountain pass corners? Those are installed by engineers as a trial, to see if Motorcycles will slow down for those corners. They are also trying eleven foot lanes in a couple areas to see if that slows people down as well? (and give those bicycle riders more room)

First- our job # 1 is safety- both for our crew and for the traveling public.  The rear truck due to its weight can "track" over the fog line, where cars do not- so he is limited where he can pull off as well, to let cars around. The rear truck stays back to where paint is dry- and if you get paint on your car after passing him- please do not expect tax payers to pay for cleaning your vehicle. That truck knows you are behind and will eventually pull over and let you pass when it is safe.

Second, we follow lots of rules- we would love to stripe at 30 or 40 mph- but the beads do not land on paint at that speed and it is hard to get the required 10-15 gallons per lane mile at that speed. Our lead driver can stripe faster than 20 mph- but our boss will not allow that for reasons beyond those two. Just Be thankful I do not drive the striper- it would probably be less than 20 mph and have crooked lines. We follow federal guidelines for types of lines used- the all mean something from width, color, to lengths and help with uniformity and laws.

Lastly- we do stripe at night when required- mostly in towns or high traffic areas. That sometimes requires overtime, per diem, shift pay and opens more costs/dangers. As you know- at night the drying times double due to lack of temperatures and the sun- in fact we sometimes cannot start in mornings until temperatures rise to above 50*. At night you are dealing with the drunk drivers, (see our job #1) and if you think day drivers are in a hurry….? Most highways are striped one time per year- except for high traffic areas that are shot spring and fall. Chip seals are shot twice since the first shot barely lasts a full year.

Striping Season Common Questions from WSDOT website;

What is striping season?
Each year, WSDOT maintenance crews spend the dry summer months re-striping more than 4,500 miles of highway on dozens of highways in King, Pierce, Snohomish, Skagit, Whatcom and Island counties. The fresh coats of reflective paint stripe that crews apply during spring, summer and fall months will make it easier for drivers to see the road when the winter rains return.

What can drivers do to avoid the wet paint?
Drivers can protect their car from damage by keeping an eye out for striping crews and avoiding lane changes on freshly painted lines.

Watch for “wet paint” warning signs and warning trucks.

Listen to traffic reports for information about when and where striping crews will be on the road.What happens when drivers drive over wet paint?
When drivers go over the wet lane stripes their tires splatter paint onto their vehicles and remove thousands of tiny glass reflector beads that are designed to be clearly visible when illuminated by headlights. The reflective lane stripe helps drivers see the road at night and in the rain.

What can I do if I get striping paint on my vehicle?
The paint we use on highways is engineered to last, which means it's nearly impossible to remove if it dries on your car. However, because the paint is water-based, drivers may have about one hour to wash it off with a high pressure hose. Someone has suggested rubbing Vasaline on it until you can clean it off.

Will WSDOT pay for drivers to remove paint from their vehicles?
No. If a driver crosses wet paint when wet paint warning signs are present, the state will deny the reimbursement claim.

In addition, when a driver crosses the wet stripe their tires remove the paint and thousands of reflective glass beads that help drivers see the road at night and in the rain.

How many miles will WSDOT stripe this year?Between April 6 and October 31, WSDOT maintenance crews will re-stripe more than 4,500 lane miles of road on dozens of state highways in King, Pierce, Snohomish, Skagit, Whatcom and Island counties. Striping is weather dependent.

How many miles will WSDOT paint per day?
The striping crew typically covers approximately 40 miles of lane stripes a day until returning back to the shop to re-fill supplies. Striping crews usually stripe between 6:30 a.m. and 3 p.m. daily.

How warm does it have to be to stripe?
The roadway must be dry and at least 50 degrees.

How long does the striping paint take to dry?
WSDOT uses fast-drying paint that takes thirty seconds to five minutes to dry.

What makes the paint reflective?
Reflective paint is a type of paint which contains thousands of little glass beads designed to reflect lots of light, even at night. It is most frequently used for striping and highway signs, but is also used on license plates.

When vehicle headlights hit the paint, tiny spheres in the glass beads reflect the light, making the road brighter for drivers in dark rainy conditions. All of the reflective beads are made from 100% recycled glass.

Summer Breeze

In 1972, one of the big summer songs was Summer Breeze. Most of you do not remember that. I can barely remember that summer, and what I did. It was my first summer living in Coulee Dam and just before my senior year of school.  Today we are going to  Silverwood with Darcie and the kids.  I enjoy putting music to photos and it brings  back such great memories. It also has eliminated photo albums for me, which could be bad?   Here are  some photos our  Silverwood trip to an old song  called Summer Breeze that I made two years ago.  Last year it was just Trent and us who went, but it has been a tradition for years to go to Silverwood in the summer- whoever can join us.  I can't believe how fast this year is going by! (Mid-August already!) This will be a short trip, and I plan on being back at work tomorrow- but so looking forward to the Silverwood Tradition- but will miss the stay at Quality Inn in Spokane and Chuck E Cheese this time.

Here are some photos from this years Silverwood trip;

 Anyone Find Cody?

Caitlyn and Cody

Time for a quick Recharge while waiting for big folks...

Train Deputies with Caitly and Billy just before 7pm Train Ride

Emilee and I rode this ride together- 140 feet down quite quickly

Vacation

God has a sense of humor I am sure. I have been praying for rain- and today the forecast is rain/thunderstorms-the same day I have off and we plan on going to Water park in Chelan with the grandkids. Temperature should reach 99.  This song is by Connie Francis, a hit 52 years ago. Connie Francis is still living. This video was made four years ago and probably when last time we had  been there?  I don't know where the summer has gone, but it is going too fast. I still am praying for Rain- (the thunderstorms can hold off) and maybe the forecast will scare others away and we can have more of the park to ourselves today? Today it is time to VACATION.

Make some memories this year- no matter what the price of gas reaches. Go Ahead and take A VACATION!" As someone once said, "The bigger the summer vacation the harder the fall.

Instead of a new video, let me just post a few photos. I did not take many myself- too busy. I actually rode every slide they had I think. We got there at 10am opening and left around 5pm. the grandkids had been there already this summer and had it all planned out- yes they wore me out. Darcie packed a lunch for us. 

Mrs. Hughes /ABC's of Getting Older

Someone sent me the new version of ABC's for seniors- not sure why they sent it to me? So for you seniors out there- I am posting those below. And in keeping with my desire to see you laugh and smile- I  am posting an old video I simply call Mrs. Hughes. Have A good day and don't forget to smile and laugh today!

New Alphabet :
A is for apple, and B is for boat,
that used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
but let's be a bit more realistic instead.
Now The Alphabet:
A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C's the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?
D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L 's for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W for worry, now what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!

"You Know You're Getting Old When....."

* The little old gray haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
* Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
* A fortune teller offers to read your face.
* Everything hurts; and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
* Your back goes out more than you do.
* You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
* You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
* Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
* Your children begin to look middle aged.
* Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
* You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
* It takes twice as long to look half as good.
* You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
* Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
* You and your teeth don't sleep together.
* Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
* You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.
* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
* You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
* You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
* Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
* Your ears are hairier than your head.
* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
* You shop for health insurance the way you once shopped for a new car.
* Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
* You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 106 around the golf course.
* You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
* You can live without sex but not without your glasses.
* You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.

Drive Thru Church

 

I am thankful for our church- they have helped me in so many areas and I have some deep friendships and been mentored by some great people. They say if you find the perfect church- don't join it as you will ruin it then.  Some will never know how much they have encouraged me, some by cards, calls, hugs, handshakes, smiles, a hello, and some just be their faithfulness and example. Our church reached out and helped us after our house fire so much and many times they have held me accountable and always been there for me. I think the Bible is quite clear that we need to attend church, especially in these end days- I hope you are plugged into a church- if you aren't- start today. Why not meet me "in" church this Sunday- and lets hope the drive thru church is outdated!

A man dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates.

St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."

.."Okay" the man says, "I attended church every Sunday"

"That's good, says St. Peter, " that's worth two points"

"Two points?" he says. "Well, I gave 10% of all my earnings to the church"

"Well, let's see," answers Peter, "that's worth another 2 points. Did you do anything else?"

"Two points? Golly. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."

"Fantastic, that's certainly worth a point, " he says.

"hmmm...," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart."

"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!"

"THREE POINTS!!" the man cries, "At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God!"

"Come on in!"

Laughter is an Instant Vacation

I try to make sure most of my videos I post make you  smile- even the political ones. Smiling is good for you. My brother sent me the news clipping below on a study of its importance. Sometimes we forget why we need to smile and laugh- at least I do.

De-Stress in 3 Seconds

Next time you’re stuck in traffic, quell your road rage by flashing a quick smile.

Researchers from the University of Kansas had college students hold chopsticks in their mouths to simulate either a smile or a neutral expression, and then induced a stressful situation. (Besides having chopsticks in their mouths.) The results? Smilers had lower heart rates and reduced stress responses compared to the straight-faced subjects.

Researchers believe that activating certain facial muscles—like those used to smile—sends a message to your brain: You’re happy. Calm down.

Lead researcher Sarah Pressman, Ph.D., an assistant professor at the University of Kansas, explains: “It’s not just that our brains are happy and make us smile, it can also be the opposite—we feel the smile and become happy,” she says.

What about lowering your heart rate? “If you’re happy, you perceive stress differently and feel less threatened,” says Pressman.

But here’s the kicker: You don’t have to actually be happy to reap the benefits. People in the study weren’t necessarily in a good mood—they just faked a smile. So skip flipping off the guy who’s driving like a jerk, and force a grin instead. Even though you may feel awkward, it’s an easy way to break a very short stress response, says Pressman.

Muscle Relaxant

I am always looking for new videos and just discovered this one by called Muscle Relaxant. It is hard to know what the commercials are for sometimes.  I will let you figure it out.

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

Whiteboards ... are remarkable.

Pages Turn

This is an old video I actually made back in 2005.  Most of the photos in this video are from slides my dad had taken when we lived in North Dakota.  I was so blessed growing up.  On this date, 48 years ago, my oldest sister, Sharon was killed in an airplane crash. She had turned 21 three days earlier, and she would be 69 years old today.  I realize how fast the pages are turning on my life. Photos have a way of doing that. Suddenly many look younger than myself and my hair is turning color? Its been a tough year, I have lost several close friends, but I count my  blessings when I think of the many who have not lived as long as I have. (we have lost 5 out of our graduating class alone) Don't feel sorry for me,  I am blessed. I have a wonderful wife, 3 wonderful kids and six of the best grandkids, a great job I enjoy, a cat and bird who think I am special, and family and friends.(those senior discounts are kinda nice)  God has been so good to me- we never know when the last page will turn and we meet our maker. I am ready.

As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play, on the computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 &70 's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody 's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But, broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don 't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

Pacific Bell Humor

 Last Friday morning facebook went down for about 30 minutes in LA,, and people started calling 911 to report it?  Folks- that is not an emergency or part of 911 duties. It not only takes time away from actual emergencies- it costs taxpayers money for each call 911 registers. Another expense is children dialing 911 on old cell phones, the 911 part continues to work after service ends on that  phone.  It is amazing how internet has changed our lives- it is one of the biggest changes in my lifetime. I am thinking of getting a smart phone even?

A man and a couple of his friends had just finished a round of golf at the country club and they were changing their shoes when a cell phone on the bench rang. The man picked it up and answered it. "Hi honey," said the woman on the other end.
Hi honey," replied the man.
"I was just calling to tell you about this fur coat I found today. It's beautiful fox fur and I just love the way it looks on me. It's on sale too, a real bargain. It's down to $2000 from $4000. Can I get it?" The man thought about it for a second and said, "You're sure it's a good deal?"
"Oh yes," replied the woman.
"Okay then, I guess you can get it," replied the man.
The woman continued, "Oh, and you know how we've been thinking about getting rid of the Lexus and getting a new Jaguar? Well, I went to the dealership today and the guy gave me a real deal. He said he'd lower the price from $50,000 to $35,000 just for me. Can I get it?"
The man thought a little harder and said,"If you're sure it's a good deal, then yes, go ahead and get the Jaguar."
The woman continued again. "Oh, one last thing, honey. Remember that house we saw last month that we really liked, but decided we'd wait and think about? Well, it's on the market again, so I checked the price. It's down to $450,000 and I checked with the bank and we have enough in the checking account so that I can just write a check. Should I get it?"
The man got a frown on his face and said, "See if you can get them down to $420,000. If they'll go down to that, go ahead and get it."
The woman was extremely excited. "Okay honey, thank you so much! I'll see you when I get home! Bye!"
"Bye," said the man. He hung up the phone and looked at the other men in the locker room and said, "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"


What is the cheapest time to call your friends long distance?
When they're not home!

Every Preachers Worst Nightmare

The words "Pitch his tents" is found nine times in the Wycliffe  Bible translation, some versions do not have those words at all. This video is of a youth pastor who tries to say "Pitch his Tents" in the story of Sodom and Gomorra. You try to say it 5 times fast......And I applaud him for dealing with that story- most preachers are afraid to touch that story anymore- but maybe it is because of  "Pitch his Tents" and it coming out wrong? I hope he is still preaching- I would like to hear him and am glad God has a sense of humor.  (Genesis 13:12  New International Version (NIV)¹² Abram lived in the land of Canaan, while Lot lived among the cities of the plain and pitched his tents near Sodom.)

Letters Addressed to Pastor From Kids:
· Dear Pastor,
I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister.
· Dear Pastor,
Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson.
· Dear Pastor,
My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something.
· Dear Pastor,
I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?
· Dear Pastor,
My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold.
· Dear Pastor,
Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow.
· Dear Pastor,
I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner.
· Dear Pastor,
My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.

Forgiveness

Mark Gungor has a marriage Series called Laugh Your Way to A Better Marriage. We bought the video (right now it is loaned out). He is also a pastor and I have 16 of his videos under the label, Marriage-Gungor. This is part of that marriage seminar, on Forgiveness. It does not just apply to Marriage or married people.



A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."