Things You don't Say to Your Wife

I love Valentines Day- sure it is a Hallmark Day, but I love the emphasis on Love and Marriage. I hope National Marraige Week does not end today and my heart goes out to those who cannot be with their valentine today. I believe in Marriage and the many benefits to society. It seems I am trying to present marriage advice videos on how to make your marriage better- so thought it was only fitting that I try to teach some of the younger men "things You should never say to your wife". But then also, I am not the expert on marriage, and I will let those who have been married more than 50 years  speak on that subject.

 15 Things Women Want To Hear (women and their fantasies..)

1. Gee Sweetheart, let's skip dinner tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is you.
2. Wow, I just don't know what to do with this money we won in the lottery, so why don't you take it to the mall and see if you can find something to buy with it.
3. Hey, how about inviting your mother to spend the summer with us.

4. Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of chocolate cream pie. If it's one thing I hate it's skinny women.

5. How about I give you a nice massage and foot rub. I really don't like sex that much anyway.
6. What a break, I won a prize on the radio station...tickets to either the Super Bowl or the opening of the New York Ballet. I got first choice so pack your bags for New York, we get to go to the ballet!!!
7. Who wants to play golf when I can get to see how good the lawn looks when it's freshly mowed.
8. Shoot, there's nothing on TV but football games. Let's go furniture shopping.
9. Man I tell you, nothing feels better than getting all spruced up in a suit and tie.
10. I'm getting a little tired of steak on the grill. How about a nice quiche?
11. Golly I think we're lost. Let me find a gas station to ask for directions.
12. My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don't you use the money my parents gave us to get something nice for the house.
13. Sports cars are just such stupid little toys for men who have never really grown up.
14. You know, we really don't visit your relatives enough.
15. Why don't you relax this weekend. I'll take care of the cooking and housework


When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice.
'The first ten years are the hardest.'
'How long have you been married?' she asked.
'Ten years', he replied.

Marriage means commitment, so does insanity…

“Mom, Dad, sit down. I have something very important to tell you,” said Samantha, upon her return home from college after graduation. “I met a guy who lives near the college that I really like and we decided we are going to get married!”
“Oh Samantha! I am so happy for you!” Gushed her Mom giving her a big hug, “I hope you two will be really happy together! I can’t wait to meet him!”
“Tell us more about him” said her Dad, “does he have any money?”
“Oh Dad! Is that all you men ever think about?

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen. God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back." The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.